Absurd reality!

My employer is willing to pay a huge salary just for being physically present from 8:30am to 3:30pm. It is depressing that even if I want to work, they make it difficult. Hurdles abound if I want to do something constructive for this college as I feel the urge to do something to justify the salary I am taking and also to feel the work satisfaction.
It is funny that they are ready to pay for my physical presence (you don't have to work, you can spend your time just gossiping or browsing the net or even sleeping..). They are just not bothered but if I miss a single day (due to sickness) other than one casual leave(as I am still in my probationary period) I am permitted to take, they cut my salary.
Another weird thing is nobody seems to be troubled, in fact they are happy there is no work. Why cannot I be like them? Why do I feel disturbed, restless? Don't all these  people's conscience trouble them? I find it ridiculous that I have to get ready early morning and travel a distance of 75kms to reach the college at 8:30am - to do nothing!!!?
Why there is no accountability ?

I would like to list out other such absurdities:

1.They pay huge salary for doing nothing but physically being present in the campus

2.They have library full of books but not accessible for the students for whom it is meant.

3.Students are forced to sit in the class even when a lousy teacher is teaching. This they justify as 85% attendance is compulsory, also though they are adults don't know what is good for them! But in the end anyway they are giving attendance to all the students( even someone who has < 50%)

4.More importance is given to passing the exam than knowing the subject.

5.Most students stop wishing the teachers the day they get their results and then later organize a big thanks giving function!

6. A clerk has more power than the dean in deciding about leave, lop(leave without pay) and rendering comment on staff and even in judging which staff should get best teacher award!

7. In advance the schedule for the year and the month has to be given, only to announce sudden holidays disrupting the same schedules!

8. They have a hi-tech gym again not accessible for the students.

9. Have a huge campus but no student are allowed to walk around

10. In a democratic country, there is ban on keeping cell phones (forget about guns!),  not allowed to go out without permission and even with permission girls have to come before 6 and boys before 8pm.

11. No student groups are allowed, no associations are allowed and no membership with any political party is allowed.

12.The worst part is students pay high donation and high fees and are ok with all these rules, they never ask questions or oppose. Why they will when they are thought from the childhood not to question, accept authority blindly, they have been trained not to think by the schools!?

Trust.....

Why is it so difficult to trust others ? Not just strangers, people don't trust even their own friends and relatives. If you don't agree then, ask them for some money, good amount not huge or small. Then you will know. Even if they have excess money lying just like that, not being used or invested or black money stuffed in bank lockers, still they are reluctant to give you - though you need desperately. Why is it? Do these people don't want to help you? No they do want to help but they don't trust you enough that you will return it back. But what I really don't understand is my friends from last 20years, who know what I am, close friends don't give. I wonder why it is so? Many of them have had bad experience or even when they don't have such experience they have heard it from others, they expect it will not come back.People say if you lend your money, it will never come back. You will lose your money as well as the relationship. I ask what is the kind of relationship they are having with you if they don't trust you enough to lend or donate in your difficult times?
Coming to the other side of it, I gave one of my friend whom I know from past 6 years a substantial amount of money as she needed very badly( to pay her son's tuition fee) and I did not need just then and I said to her I need in a month's time as I have to pay my flat installment. She agreed but even after even after 8 months I still have to get 2/3rd of it back.What should I make out of it? Should I decide I should never give any money to anyone again even if they are my close friends? Should I conclude you cannot trust anyone? No I am not going to do that even after many sleepless nights as I did not have money to pay the builder and he was calling repeatedly 'pay now or we will put 24% interest'. Just because one friend does not keep her word, I don't want conclude all are like that. I don't want to lose faith in everyone because one friend did not take her commitment seriously. My relationship with her in regard to trust may have changed but I am not going to allow it to spoil my relationship with the whole world and all the people in it and also with her.
Maybe from every experience there is something to learn. Maybe whatever happens, there is for a reason. I had to go through it. I believe so. Maybe I owed her in my previous incarnation!  One can always earn money - money comes and goes but might not. So its OK. It happens. I will manage as I always have.

Perpetual dilemma...

All my life I am struggling doing the job I have chosen to do for living, for whatever reasons. I think I am forced to take a job which I am not really interested in because of circumstances, situation I am in, for monetary reasons, because children are small, because my husband is not well etc, etc. So, I ended up in this job segment and these days, I am in perpetual dilemma all the time... Its not that I hate my job... I have learnt to like my job though it was not what I wanted to do after doing graduation in Medicine. I am comfortable doing it with more and more experience I am gaining. But now after fifteen years of being a medical teacher my mind and heart is rebelling against this slavery I am in because of economic freedom it gives me. Half the time I am thinking, I should leave this job and do what I love to do... My life is passing in fast-forward mode and how many years are left to do for something I am passionate about doing? If I don't make this choice at 45, when will ever get the courage?

   Recently after reading this following quote of Kubler ross my wish to change my job became stronger. I am pasting it here:

“It is very important that you only do what you love to do. you may be poor, you may go hungry, you may lose your car, you may have to move into a shabby place to live, but you will totally live. And at the end of your days you will bless your life because you have done what you came here to do. Otherwise, you will live your life as a prostitute, you will do things only for a reason, to please other people, and you will never have lived. and you will not have a pleasant death.” 
― Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

I did my MBBS graduation to become a doctor and treat patients and ended up become teacher!

I have had my share of joy in doing the present job of medical teacher - I enjoy the company of youngsters, their enthusiasm, hope, ideals and aspirations, I have enjoyed taking lecturers, tutoring, mentoring, guiding students. And most importantly I learnt the skill of public speaking which I would have never learnt otherwise. But I think it's high time I take a decision. I let you know what I decide meanwhile if any of the readers of this blog want to give feedback , you are welcome to do it.

Intro to my blog

I started this blog mainly to muse about the puzzles, problems, bewilderment s of life. There are many situations in life where one does not know how to proceed, handle, manage, untangle the muddle one is in. Many a times we might get into such a situation because our mistakes, our carelessness but there are also times when we just don't know how and why we end up in such a situation! Then we wonder why did this happen, where did I go wrong, what mistake did I do? and how to correct it? I hope to get feed backs  suggestions, advice if they already experienced such a situation, from whoever reads my blog.